Each of us must take the life presented and make of it what we will. Often we get engrossed in our own lives to the exclusion of the lives of others, and we forget that we are admonished to "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (Plato)
Then once in a while, something happens to make us take note of another's battles. Just such a thing happened to me recently, and I am chastened and humbled to know that I have been given a great gift in the ease with which I can generally navigate life. Were I to have the same demons, the same battles that my friend has faced, I would likely not still be standing. Yet she does. She has been dealt a difficult task of late, on top of other more difficult burdens, and she continues to move through it. As long as she keeps moving, I think she will emerge on the other side. I am learning to know some strong and beautiful people in this law school experience, which seems odd, because many of the things I am learning have nothing to do with the things on the syllabi. Rather, they have to do with community, caring, honesty and integrity. I am grateful.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
motion sickness
What a roller coaster ride this past week or so has been. It has been sort of like a high stakes game of chance, but my goal was to play with integrity, so that whatever resulted, I could feel good about my involvement in it. It is not in my nature to stand on the sidelines and so it was not a question of remaining silent or declining to take action. It was more of a question of what actions to take, and there seemed to be at least 3 games going at the same time. Spinning round moment to moment to take up a new challenge or opportunity, I felt at times I was going to lose my footing.
New pleasures and treasures abound today, as does the hangover from the emotional roller coaster ride. I am not sure I knew before that I could be true to myself and also to my friend simultaneously, even if it meant causing pain. I understood the theory but had so far not been brave enough to try. Another life lesson learned, and I am glad.
New pleasures and treasures abound today, as does the hangover from the emotional roller coaster ride. I am not sure I knew before that I could be true to myself and also to my friend simultaneously, even if it meant causing pain. I understood the theory but had so far not been brave enough to try. Another life lesson learned, and I am glad.
Friday, May 20, 2011
slippage
Time just takes off running and never seems to take a breath. I know not where it goes, but I know it does not return. And so the intense need to make every thing, every day, count.
Tomorrow I should know my grades for the first year classes. We all should. Drum roll please....I know I should not sweat it, there is nothing to be done. During the past several weeks, I have mostly managed to forget about the results. But now, on the eve of knowing, I am once again in high anxiety mode. I am sure I'm not alone! I want to reach out to my classmates, but I know that statistically, at least some of us are going to get bad news. And I don't know who, or how the unfortunate ones will want to deal with that. I know I would be crushed if I got ADQ'd (academically disqualified).
And still, time just keeps marching. There is much to do for summer classes, and still I want some summer-ha! Why then did I sign up for 3 classes?
Moot court is, as they say, front loaded, and there is a lot I should be doing right now-or maybe not right now, but this week. So tomorrow I shall. For tonight, finish reading for Bankruptcy. Criminal Procedure turns out to be a constitutional law class, which means it is rife with opportunity for discussion. But this is our biggest class yet, in terms of numbers, which is a disappointment. The discussions to be had! Whereas Bankruptcy, interesting but fairly light weight, is only 7, and lots of time for discussion. Life is cruel sometimes.
I'm not supposed to talk about my Moot Court case. And so you shall have to wait. Suffice it to say that I need some legal research skills, which I am sadly lacking. And there goes my summer, into the gray mist, slipping away before it even fully arrives.
Tomorrow I should know my grades for the first year classes. We all should. Drum roll please....I know I should not sweat it, there is nothing to be done. During the past several weeks, I have mostly managed to forget about the results. But now, on the eve of knowing, I am once again in high anxiety mode. I am sure I'm not alone! I want to reach out to my classmates, but I know that statistically, at least some of us are going to get bad news. And I don't know who, or how the unfortunate ones will want to deal with that. I know I would be crushed if I got ADQ'd (academically disqualified).
And still, time just keeps marching. There is much to do for summer classes, and still I want some summer-ha! Why then did I sign up for 3 classes?
Moot court is, as they say, front loaded, and there is a lot I should be doing right now-or maybe not right now, but this week. So tomorrow I shall. For tonight, finish reading for Bankruptcy. Criminal Procedure turns out to be a constitutional law class, which means it is rife with opportunity for discussion. But this is our biggest class yet, in terms of numbers, which is a disappointment. The discussions to be had! Whereas Bankruptcy, interesting but fairly light weight, is only 7, and lots of time for discussion. Life is cruel sometimes.
I'm not supposed to talk about my Moot Court case. And so you shall have to wait. Suffice it to say that I need some legal research skills, which I am sadly lacking. And there goes my summer, into the gray mist, slipping away before it even fully arrives.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
cutting on the bias
We talk a lot about biases in general, and about their impact in certain law classes. For instance, in Criminal Procedure, a constitutional law class about the 4th, 5th, 6th and 14th amendments, we discuss things like profiling, and its impact on how suspects are treated.
What is interesting is the general bias against certain classes of people, at least by my fellow classmates. For instance, in Crim Pro, much of the class is anti-police. To some degree, the subject invites that, as the idea behind these constitutional provisions is to protect against excessive use of police powers. However, that does not make all police bad, and all police tactics unconstitutional. In my bankruptcy class, the textbook is very clearly slanted pro-debtor and anti-big bad creditor.
I of course have my own biases, which color what I read and hear as well. Seems like it's pretty difficult to get more than the occasional, rare individual to be willing to listen and take on board new information with an open mind. I do not think I am that person. As a result of our inability, we all wear poorly fitting clothes of righteousness-in some way, they do not fit correctly, because we are all wrong some of the time.
What is interesting is the general bias against certain classes of people, at least by my fellow classmates. For instance, in Crim Pro, much of the class is anti-police. To some degree, the subject invites that, as the idea behind these constitutional provisions is to protect against excessive use of police powers. However, that does not make all police bad, and all police tactics unconstitutional. In my bankruptcy class, the textbook is very clearly slanted pro-debtor and anti-big bad creditor.
I of course have my own biases, which color what I read and hear as well. Seems like it's pretty difficult to get more than the occasional, rare individual to be willing to listen and take on board new information with an open mind. I do not think I am that person. As a result of our inability, we all wear poorly fitting clothes of righteousness-in some way, they do not fit correctly, because we are all wrong some of the time.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
tapestry of colors
My bankruptcy class is going to be interesting, I think.
The professor is a bankruptcy attorney, and normally represents the
debtor. I seem to be coming at the subject from the perspective of
the 'banker', and therefore the creditor. Who knew that bankruptcy
could be a lively topic? While not a life changing area of law, it
does seem to be at least moderately interesting, and small enough to
have some real discussions. There were 5 of us tonight, not counting
the professor.
By contrast our Crim Pro class, which is made up of absolutely
fascinating material, has about 40 students, which will limit our
participation. I had an interesting conversation with my father this
week. He is a former police officer, but is now in his 80's, dealing
with significant health problems, and as tends to happen in our
society, is somewhat redundant and invisible. I was telling him a bit
about my new classes and when I mentioned Crim Pro, he asked if we had
talked about the Terry case at all. Of course, we had. He said that
ruling was made when he was on the force in Anchorage, and talked
about how much it helped make it possible to do good police work and
still protect oneself, while staying within the constitutional
boundaries. Fascinating view back into a time when all that mattered
to me was what boy I liked and had no interest in what my father did
to make a living, or the ethical and practical choices he made on a
daily basis.
If one could see all the layers of connectedness, what a riotous web
of color it would be. I wish there was a way to really look at the various points of connection, and have some genuine, unfiltered discussion with some others. The realities of everyday life seem to preclude such risk taking, for me as well as others. It's only when some life event forces one to step outside oneself that we seem able to take such chances, and then sometimes it is with complete strangers rather than those who love us. Which takes me to what love means, and how often it is a form of control...and there we go again.
The professor is a bankruptcy attorney, and normally represents the
debtor. I seem to be coming at the subject from the perspective of
the 'banker', and therefore the creditor. Who knew that bankruptcy
could be a lively topic? While not a life changing area of law, it
does seem to be at least moderately interesting, and small enough to
have some real discussions. There were 5 of us tonight, not counting
the professor.
By contrast our Crim Pro class, which is made up of absolutely
fascinating material, has about 40 students, which will limit our
participation. I had an interesting conversation with my father this
week. He is a former police officer, but is now in his 80's, dealing
with significant health problems, and as tends to happen in our
society, is somewhat redundant and invisible. I was telling him a bit
about my new classes and when I mentioned Crim Pro, he asked if we had
talked about the Terry case at all. Of course, we had. He said that
ruling was made when he was on the force in Anchorage, and talked
about how much it helped make it possible to do good police work and
still protect oneself, while staying within the constitutional
boundaries. Fascinating view back into a time when all that mattered
to me was what boy I liked and had no interest in what my father did
to make a living, or the ethical and practical choices he made on a
daily basis.
If one could see all the layers of connectedness, what a riotous web
of color it would be. I wish there was a way to really look at the various points of connection, and have some genuine, unfiltered discussion with some others. The realities of everyday life seem to preclude such risk taking, for me as well as others. It's only when some life event forces one to step outside oneself that we seem able to take such chances, and then sometimes it is with complete strangers rather than those who love us. Which takes me to what love means, and how often it is a form of control...and there we go again.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
diagnosis
I've been trying to figure out what's wrong. Sad, mad and overwhelmed this week. Not the best cocktail. Looking forward to a sea change.
Meanwhile, studying, doing what I should. One foot in front of the other, and it will come out right. The value of middle aged perspective
Meanwhile, studying, doing what I should. One foot in front of the other, and it will come out right. The value of middle aged perspective
Thursday, May 5, 2011
violins for me
Back in school...all summer long, with only a week break in August before the fall semester starts. Do I sound like I'm whining? I guess I am, a bit. But I'm choosing this, so who else is there to blame?
My dear friend left town this week, and I miss him. Gone for the summer, and back in the fall, or so we hope. So I hope. Life goes on, and we wonder why we do what we do. The choices I have made, and continue to make, are based on incomplete information and short-sighted views of life. And then I wonder at the results.
My dear friend left town this week, and I miss him. Gone for the summer, and back in the fall, or so we hope. So I hope. Life goes on, and we wonder why we do what we do. The choices I have made, and continue to make, are based on incomplete information and short-sighted views of life. And then I wonder at the results.
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