Day two

I spent the early morning walking around my neighborhood some more, and then sitting at Peet's, reading about permaculture and chicken evisceration, among other things.  Why?  Because for a short time it removes me utterly from my purpose in being here, to take the CA state bar exam. 

Day two awaits, slightly less daunting than day one, if only because it is not entirely new now.  It also helps my nerves a bit that today is all MBE's.  They are not easy, and a full day of them will no doubt be very tiring as each requires a new investment of energy and mental process.  But the risk is spread over 200 questions rather than a few.  Not knowing a particular answer is not quite so devastating to my mental well-being, and probably doesn't harm my chances of passing so very much.

I've heard so many stories about people vomiting or crying or running from the room in these exams.  So far, no drama that I'm aware of.  Of course there are about 1,000 people in the room, so I don't know what's going on way over there.  I feel older here than I did in law school, so many of the bar takers are in their 20's, fresh from undergrad plus three years of law school.  For once my age serves me well, as I can draw on some real life practice at managing nerves and crisis.  Still, I do feel a bit like an interloper.

I am steadfastly refusing to talk about the questions, other than to say the general topics, because I can't afford the emotional chaos that will result if I hear that someone saw an issue that I did not, or that I talked about one that wasn't really there.  I need all the confidence I can muster going into Thursday, so I'm wearing my virtual blinders and ear muffs, and moving forward.

I went for a walk yesterday after the exam, and it was lovely.  All the stress had temporarily dropped away, and I was in a city I don't know, gone walkabout as so many times before.  This morning, as the time to start draws near, my gut begins to clench, and I have to remember to breathe.  I suppose each day will be like this.

Examsoft had a problem yesterday, with bar takers all across the country unable to upload their exams.  I would have been freaked out by it, but I had uploaded my morning exams during lunch, so I knew there wasn't a problem with my account or setup.  And then I heard fairly soon after not being able to upload last evening that everyone was having the same problem.  Still, it was a load off my shoulders when it finally went about 8:30 last night.  

Time to beard the lion in its den.