I had expected my anxiety to increase as the bar exam grew closer, but oddly this has not been the case. In fact, about two weeks out I came upon what I thought was the eye of the storm. A mixture of calm resignation and dogged onwardness.
I can't say that the anxiety doesn't continue to raise its head, because it does. And I dream-a lot. But some sort of undertone of either capacity or foolish belief has taken hold, and I feel it too, along with the worry.
This combination makes for an odd coupling-like most, I suppose. At variance and yet accustomed to the other's presence so that both end up part of the other. I am unable at times to separate the dance in my head and see who is who.
I know I will miss it when the music ends.
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