We're in the soup together

I've been feeling particularly unprepared given that our first exam is less than a week away, and while I know it's false comfort, I was heartened to hear from fellow students this evening that they too are feeling completely unprepared. That won't be of any use when we sit down to write exams, but for tonight it helped to tamp down the terror rising in the back of my throat.

Tomorrow I am taking a day off work to study, eat pancakes and practice a Con Law exam or two.

I'm here, but so are my troubles

I went running on Thanksgiving morning, and according to my own little tradition, I was supposed to mull over the things for which I am thankful. Instead I found my mind constantly drawn to worry and anxiety. I hate the thought of wasting my years, my moments on this planet with fretting over things. Sometimes I need to stop and thank the universe for its gifts to me, even in the midst of that anxiousness.

The smell of coffee, the feel of my flannel sheets as I slide into bed at the end of the day, blues on the radio, the sun on my skin, the way a face lights up in recognition and pleasure in seeing a friend, these are all things for which I am thankful.

My chickens and the eggs they give, worms, my motorcycle. And learning, about the law, and about ourselves.

Meanwhile, exams loom, and papers need written, and life carries on.

the hierarchy of insects

I pondered today my duty to fellow living beings. This conversation with myself started with two ants who visited me in the shower. I used to share my daily shower with a spider, who scuttled away at the first sign of my presence, and I never minded that. For some reason, I view ants differently. Perhaps I need more to think about, but this prompted consideration of how we determine who, or what, has merit. What can be squashed 'like a bug' with impunity, and when does the act of destruction become worthy of disapprobation? Snails can be crushed, but butterflies should not be.

Taking a pen from work is not stealing, but taking money from a co-worker's purse is larceny. Gossiping about the woman with the short skirt and low cut blouse is permissible, normal, but lying on a job application is not.

There is a continuum of behavior; one end of which is clearly immoral, wrong and despised, the other end of which is morality to the point of absurdity. To further complicate matters, the point of harmony for me varies with the subject matter, sometimes with the facts of the situation. Picture a number of strings laid parallel end to end. Maybe this is how music is made-a guitar chord made up of various points on the strings of the guitar. When done well, the result is melodious and integrated, even beautiful. Poorly played, it becomes a cacophony of noise.

So what happens to the ants?

to whom shall I give?

Charitable vs. benevolent

Who knew that benevolence might not be charitable? Your charitable trust must do more than effect benevolence, it must accomplish a purpose that is beneficial to the public. Purposes that are allowed include relief of poverty, advancement of education, advancement of religion, promotion of health, governmental or municipal purposes, or other purposes for benefit to the community.

Fortunately, I shall never have to worry about whether my charitable trust complies with IRS Code Section 664, 2055 or 2522. I am my own charity, and any remainder, should there be any, will pass to my issue. Meanwhile I have so far been successful in avoiding bothersome accumulation of wealth. Law school is one of the many devices by which I am able to save the cost of setting up a trust that benefits others. Ah... so I shall have to seek out ways to be benevolent instead, as I think that is required of all citizens of the world.

head in the sand or just dressed in camo?

The things we don't acknowledge to even our closest compatriots, are they things of which we are not aware ourselves, or do we withhold them in self defense? Once spoken, they cannot be returned to the vault, and some things are either too precious, or too likely to inspire revulsion or mockery to take the chance.

But who are we kidding anyway? I am like you, and you are like me. The things I carry are not so different from those that you hold in your heart. Still, I cannot.

the how-to manual

For my final in Advanced Legal Research, I am to create a Pathfinder. It is an "organized body of material which identifies key resources and provides guidance in researching a particular question or discipline."

Hmmm...trying to decide between something I can use at work, such as a comparative analysis of the laws regarding priority and mechanics liens in relation to a lender's deed of trust in Washington, Oregon or California; or something that feels more meaningful, such as about the rights of a homeless encampment.

What I really want is a Pathfinder for life. Imagine it, an encyclopedic index of resources, with guidance for how to negotiate any number of life altering decisions. No, that is not what the Bible is, at least not to me. To accept that is, for me, abdication, taking the easy way. Besides, even when I know what the best next step is, I am just as likely to ignore that nudge, and go blithely down the path to destruction and pain.

Perhaps just a Pathfinder for how to treat my fellow humans would do.

these things I declare

Sometimes we as humans, and specifically as Americans, do something so base, so wrong, so inherently productive of evil, that it defies comprehension.

How the hell could the Supreme Court, in Dred Scott v. Sandford, find support in the Constitution, for slavery? I know, I know, there was the Article IV, Section 2[3]. A deal with the devil is a deal with the devil. "Strange fruit" is more than a label, it is a scourge, a scar on the face of our past.

I'm becoming a fan of at least some part of the concept of natural law, perhaps because my understanding of it has changed during the past year or so.

I do have, you do have, certain inalienable rights. Not just as Americans, but as a human being. I declare independence, freedom from enslavement, from denial of the right of suffrage, of the right to choose how I live, if I worship a god, if and whom I marry, the right to pursue an education, a livelihood and a home of my choosing. I am determined that I have a right to be free in my person. My right to due process requires notice and a right to be heard before deprivation of my life, liberty or property. I am entitled to the equal protection of the laws, regardless of my gender, race, marital status or any other artificial or physical trait.

The source of these rights is in my humanity, in the natural order of things.

the time is ripe

I think it's time. Finally. I am going to read Roe v. Wade. You may be asking why it has taken me so long to get to this point, but I did not feel that I would be able to really comprehend the case, both from a historical perspective, and being able to analyze the legal reasoning.

There are a few seminal cases that have had material impact on our society, and on individual lives across a great spectrum. This is one of them.

sacrifice with no pay out

One more gone. Actually two. This late in the game, it's not only surprising but it seems so much more harsh. To have put in over two years of this, giving up so much to be part of this law school experience, and to have it come to naught-that would be difficult to come to terms with. It's not even so much about the money, although that in itself is painful enough. It is more about the self that we have invested. We have to some degree surrendered ourselves up to this process wherein we are molded, stretched, tormented and re-formed. It is not without cost, particularly to relationships outside of the law environment. To find myself unable to complete the journey at this point would, I think, fill me with rage, dismay, feelings of failure, dark, dark things.

Sticks and stones

Some topics just must be borne as we move through law school, but Due Process is not one of those. It is to hearsay as warm, complex persimmon pudding is to dry toast. Ok, I know that's a pretty lame analogy, but it's autumn, and persimmon pudding is just around the corner.

A couple of note cases caught my eye. In Wisconsin v. Constantineau (400 U.S. 433), the Court held that a person's reputation or integrity was a property interest covered by the 14th Amendment's requirement of due process. Therefore a state cannot, as it did here, post a notice in retail liquor outlets forbidding the sale or gift of liquor to a particular person for a year, without notice or the right to be heard.

Then five years later, in Paul v. Davis (424 U.S. 693), the Court found that a flyer circulated by police that a person was an active shoplifter was not an infringement of that same right. The person had not been convicted of shoplifting. The remedy was to be found in a civil case for defamation. While that makes sense, it is difficult to reconcile the two cases.

In Paul, the party's good name was not protected by his right to due process, but in Constantineau, it was. Brennan dissented in Paul, fearing that this meant that official stigmatization would never be subject to due process concerns.

Remember that rhyme we flung at each other as children when at last we could come up with no insults or retorts to match our opponents? "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Oh, so not true, as we all found out in the process of losing our childhood innocence.

What is said about a person when they are not in the room becomes in large part how they are viewed by their society as a whole. Those words not only define who they are for others but make the difference in whether they are invited to participate in social, political, educational and employment opportunities. And each of those either opens the door to, or closes off the option of yet more of these. We, I, am so free with words, sometimes for self-aggrandizing purposes, or even out of nervousness, or to fill a space. Yet those words can have sticking power, with not even notice to the person affected, nor any opportunity to refute or amend their impact.

What matters to you is not what matters to me

My professor likes to pontificate. He also feels free to share political views, satirize and mock various politicians, the behavior of ordinary citizens, and all else. Nothing and no one is sacred, which is not really a problem in and of itself.

Tonight we heard about the lack of street lights in the city, who is running for city council, wind powered bicycles, banks, insurance companies, and more.

Yet the topics tonight include the takings clause, impairment of contracts, bills of attainder and ex post facto laws. Oh, and the Second Amendment. That's all.

I'm grinding my teeth back here in the second to last row.