If the shoe fits...

It is clear to me that there are certain areas of law that are of great appeal to me, while others have little or none. Criminal law breaks my heart, and I do not think I can be part of a system of sending non-violent offenders to prison, or see lives ruined just to satisfy some need for retribution alone. Personal injury law is rife with temptation to act in greed and it makes me a bit nauseous.

However, for some reason, contract law, real property law, these I find exhilarating. I think I will also find constitutional law, immigration law and civil rights stirring, but I do not know enough yet to say for sure.

Makes me wonder what makes one area of law of interest to one and another to someone else. For instance, Abigail is interested in personal injury law, Chris in family law and Peter is interested in lobbying. All of them are motivated for and by reasons I cannot fully understand, but I recognize that their choices fit for them.

Then I look at those who are part of the legal community already. Some of them clearly like what they do and others are disillusioned and mismatched to their source of livelihood. I wonder how we will look in 15 years.

Hopefully those of us who came to the law in midlife will have chosen more wisely and will find the shoes we wear do not cause pain or discomfort, nor cost us our souls.

time seems to be a frequent topic here

I am staring at the rest of the semester and starting to freak out at what I still need to learn, study, practice and absorb in a little over a month. Life keeps getting in the way, in very good ways, but still...

After this weekend, I must check out of life for a time, get things under control. I think it may have been about this time last semester when I thought there was no way I could possibly survive law school. Perhaps this will be a recurring event each semester. I think we need a name for it. The Urban Dictionary defines freaking out as "to panic, to lose control" or a "manic, crazed feeling". How about Midway Madness, or Jurisprudence Jeopardy or...I'll take suggestions.

arguments and discussions

I have been distracted by our symposium discussions, sometimes about jurisprudence and sometimes just banter. I am finding that Peter stands out in his unique stance on most things, and we have argued extensively on some matters. Mostly I withdraw from the field of battle-not worth fighting over, and I feel so strongly opposed to much of what he espouses. But as Ray and I were talking about tonight, the benefit to all of us is exposure to different points of view. I would like very much to hear more from others as it would balance the comments and dilute the effect of any one position. I enjoy reading others' comments and find I learn something nearly every time. No matter what, I am getting to know my classmates better, and enjoying that most of all.

I wonder why I want to be an attorney if I back away from aggressive arguments. I know I am weary of arguing with someone who so firmly believes things that I find abhorent.

battles and wars

Tonight's Contracts class was a battle of sorts. Our Contracts professor, while appearing to enjoy the law, very rarely seems to enjoy his students. He was in quite a mood last week, and this week was not much better. I should give him the benefit of the doubt-he may have problems in other areas of his life-but I think perhaps this is really how he feels about our imposition in his life.

He was NOT happy about being asked to answer our questions about a practice exam question from our Law Study & Exams class. I had emailed him last evening to ask if he could spare us some time, as I figured he would not be happy about it being sprung on him. He started by saying he was refusing to read the question and would not tell us how to answer it. He then said if we had specific questions, he would help us. So we went around and around and finally we got some help from him, albeit very grudgingly.

I guess we must expect this in law school to some degree-I certainly don't expect to be spoon fed anything. But some level of courtesy and interest in the subject seems appropriate. Whatever he is getting paid, he is getting enough to answer our questions generally.

But of course, I can't really effect any change in his approach or demeanor, nor am I going to try. I'll wring every bit of knowledge out of him that I can, and then use alternate sources for the rest. And then I'll win the war by excelling on the exam, or so I hope!

weekend fun

We are almost half way through the second semester of Contracts, Torts and Criminal Law. The second semester has been more detail and less big picture-almost as if we had built the framework during the first semester and this semester we are adding flesh and muscle. In some ways that is confusing as we are circling back. In Contracts in particular, the level of detail and not knowing how to organize the additional information is challenging me. Hence, this weekend has been declared "Contracts Weekend" for me. Going to get out a big piece of paper and create my own road map. Fun for no one but a crazy law school student.

the glacial pace of justice

When I dabble in the theory of law, it deepens and enriches my study of the black letter law. For instance, it helps to see that one decision is simply a part of a pattern, a tapestry of living law. So when I read about a decision that makes me writhe with frustration and anger at the damage the law is doing, I remember that on a larger scale, justice does come, it just comes very slowly.

However, this does not guarantee individual justice, but rather a more collective, long term justice. Because the law is devised and administered by humans, and each of us as humans falls short of the ideal, so does the law fall short of justice in many particular instances. It only works as well as the messy people who apply it.

This is grievous to the one who seeks justice and is denied, especially in a criminal case where an innocent party is found guilty-it is heartbreaking. It is the end of the world. This brings my study of the theory of law back full circle and I long for a way to make it all function as it should. However, there is some value in the slow, arduous process and perhaps even some beauty. And I would not trade this messy system for one that is certain but rigid and unresponsive to forces of change.

little forks and big forks

So much of life is determined by very small, seemingly insignificant choices. And yet, when I look behind those choices, I find a pattern emerging. Then every once in a while, I am cognizant that a decision I am making will have far reaching impact in my life, and perhaps the lives of others. When you make something, you make something else, whether or not you intend or desire it. How then to choose well?

I found myself face to face with just such a choice recently. This one at least had the courage to appear as more than just one of those insignificant incremental choices; it stood out as a seminal fork in the road. I dithered for days, thought I'd decided and then changed my mind. In the end, I found that I can only be me, and no one else, regardless of what others might counsel, or themselves choose. I do not mean to imply that this would give me license-in fact it does just the opposite. I may only choose that which provides for both self-respect and respect for others in the world around me. If I desire to live well, I am bound by this dictate.

Dworkin says that there are two fundamental requirements for living well. Self-respect and authenticity; treating our own lives as having the importance to be lived well and having a personal sense of character and commitment to standards and ideals out of which one acts. Choices made poorly are therefore an act of self-betrayal.

Connected to the need for living well is a concept I was discussing with Jean today-integration. I need my life to be as integrated as fully as I can achieve in balance with authenticity. And because I am wired this way, I am making a lonely choice. "You must judge the right way to live for yourself and resist any coercion designed to usurp that authority" (page 212, Justice for Hedgehogs). If you have been reading this blog for a bit, you will recall that I chose a focus for this year of balance and gratitude. Balance requires a look at both what I would choose for my own life, and its impact on others. Because I desire to live as part of a community of persons who know me, and who I know, I cannot just ignore the integration component of the equation. Yet neither can I find a way to be dishonest about who I am, and what living well means for me.

I find integration and authenticity at war within me often, and yet in the end, the advice of Polonius is still valid "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." (William Shakespeare) Note that he says nothing here about the ramifications and misunderstandings that result from being true to oneself.

symposium or soliloquy

I've wanted from the start to have heady discussions of the concept of justice, and the philosophies in law, and different theories of jurisprudence. We have formed a group, which mostly will discuss things online, but is meeting on Friday for the first official in-person meeting. We're calling it a symposium, and if it follows the pattern laid down by the Greeks, it may involve some libations. Or not for some, but either way is fine.

The group is made up of members of our class who expressed an interest, and one of our professors. Who knows what may come of it? I'm just excited to talk about why and not just what, to discuss how the law evolves, and of course, solve all the problems of our awkward, often faulty system of justice. We have an eclectic mix of points of view, and some strong personalities.

It would seem that there is not time for such endeavors, but I say, there is no choice. These questions must be asked, and that is more important than any answers anyone may give. I hope that I will never forget the lesson learned in starting law school at 50-that the gift of learning is the goal, not graduation, or even passing the bar (although I very much want to do that too!)