The end of 3rd year slid quietly into place when I wasn't looking. I have learned by now to just completely let go of each class, each exam, because there is nothing to be done now, and it will be 6 weeks before I know the results. And the results always disappoint.
Instead I'm off on a short adventure, the first of its kind since I started this crazy journey 3 years ago. I'm in Panama for a week, just because it's there, it's close and the flights were reasonable. With exams, and work, and the yard, I didn't plan the trip very well, but I'm delighted to be, well, gone.
Gone from the everyday things that pull and pick and nag. I can be lost in a different universe for a time, and I think, I hope, I shall return recharged and ready to tackle summer classes.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
musical chairs and sensory learning
We seem to be playing musical chairs this year. Many formed alliances early first year but some (more than half) have since left, and some partnerships have worn thin, at least at times.
So I studied for the Wills & Trusts exam in December with Daryl and Matt, studied for the Con Law midterm with Ashley and Andrew. But Matt is not at school now, and Daryl prefers to study either alone or with particular people. Ashley and Andrew are barely speaking, and so it goes. Some other groups seem to ebb and flow as the semester passes, always coming back together for exam study, no one willing to forego what has worked so far, almost like a talisman.
In the end, it doesn't matter much who I study with, as long as we talk. The study session becomes a sort of verbal tasting, where we roll a question about in our mouths, partake of its scent, and then observe the aftertaste. In so doing we come to know it on a personal level, and it is ours.
So I studied for the Wills & Trusts exam in December with Daryl and Matt, studied for the Con Law midterm with Ashley and Andrew. But Matt is not at school now, and Daryl prefers to study either alone or with particular people. Ashley and Andrew are barely speaking, and so it goes. Some other groups seem to ebb and flow as the semester passes, always coming back together for exam study, no one willing to forego what has worked so far, almost like a talisman.
In the end, it doesn't matter much who I study with, as long as we talk. The study session becomes a sort of verbal tasting, where we roll a question about in our mouths, partake of its scent, and then observe the aftertaste. In so doing we come to know it on a personal level, and it is ours.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
my insides have been turned inside out and dumped on the floor
Con law final tonight, and now I'm sort of emptied out. I studied hard for this exam, perhaps harder than I have for any exams to date. Partly that was due to having no other major exams at the same time, and in part because I really would like to do well in this class and rejuvenate my GPA a little. I don't think I did that but I am pretty sure I didn't hurt it either. Then again, I don't really know at all.
But I know I feel I can rejoin the human race now. I've been so immersed in this study that my grass is embarrassingly long, my house is dirty, my bills need paid, the list is so long it tires me. But I feel a sense of having accomplished a difficult task once again-a now familiar hurdle that is law school.
Tomorrow I will begin. I'll start to catch up, will see friends again, and commence falling behind for the summer.
But I know I feel I can rejoin the human race now. I've been so immersed in this study that my grass is embarrassingly long, my house is dirty, my bills need paid, the list is so long it tires me. But I feel a sense of having accomplished a difficult task once again-a now familiar hurdle that is law school.
Tomorrow I will begin. I'll start to catch up, will see friends again, and commence falling behind for the summer.
The truth of the matter
Well. I have nothing to explain myself. Two months of silence, and here I am, hat in hand. I could say that I ran out of words, or at least words that I felt I could offer the universe. That is true and yet not fully the truth.
Reminds me of Emily Dickinson's poem:
TELL ALL THE TRUTH
Tell all the truth but tell it slant,
Success in circuit lies,
Too bright for our infirm delight
The truth's superb surprise;
As lightning to the children eased
With explanation kind,
The truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind.
It was a dark and long month of March, for no reason that I can discern other than the inexorable march of time, and my sense of the loss of it. I want it back, all of it.
Reminds me of Emily Dickinson's poem:
TELL ALL THE TRUTH
Tell all the truth but tell it slant,
Success in circuit lies,
Too bright for our infirm delight
The truth's superb surprise;
As lightning to the children eased
With explanation kind,
The truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind.
It was a dark and long month of March, for no reason that I can discern other than the inexorable march of time, and my sense of the loss of it. I want it back, all of it.
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