The things you give up to get through law school are surprising. I'm trying hard to hold onto some sort of normalcy, but the unending wearing away does have an impact. It is hard to maintain my old friendships in the face of no time, and I find myself interacting more with my fellow classmates than anyone these days. I think that must get old for my family and friends, I can see it on some faces. But surviving through 4 years of law school requires that I engage with the other students, and of course, the intellectual and mental stimulation is like a drug. I seek more of it, not less.
But I am sure that we must be a bit obnoxious. We are embarked together on an intensely emotional, mental and even physical journey, with lots of personal and important events along the way, and it binds us, not unlike other highly compressed events. Only the effect of this one going on for 4 years is that we must fully engage with each other.
I'm looking for ways to integrate both the law and non-law areas of my life, to bring the people together so that I may feel less splintered and pulled. Dinner last night was a very nice start. It was good to bring some people from two areas of my life together and have them get to know each other a bit. On the 16th I'll try another layer or two.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
tail-less
I saw a lizard on my way back from lunch. It had a crooked tail which seemed to speak of a near miss. It brought to mind the question, what are you willing to lose to keep what you do not want to give up?
Life is a balancing act in the best of times, and a scrabble for survival in the worst. Many in our society live on the edge of real disaster on a daily basis, and must choose the loss of a tail far more often than those who inhabit my daily life. We are the lucky ones, although we often forget it. And even those of us fortunate enough to live without physical danger or other crushing burdens may have to choose between the job we want to keep and a moral dilemma; the one we want to love and the one who will love us; being lonely or compromising.
So the question is, how long is your tail today?
Life is a balancing act in the best of times, and a scrabble for survival in the worst. Many in our society live on the edge of real disaster on a daily basis, and must choose the loss of a tail far more often than those who inhabit my daily life. We are the lucky ones, although we often forget it. And even those of us fortunate enough to live without physical danger or other crushing burdens may have to choose between the job we want to keep and a moral dilemma; the one we want to love and the one who will love us; being lonely or compromising.
So the question is, how long is your tail today?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
trouble, trouble, trouble
We invite it into our lives by the choices we make. Even when we know better, the decisions that propel us toward disaster are not well made.
I can't believe that at 51 I still can't figure out the right way to do this. JFC! What exactly are we doing here, and why?
I can't believe that at 51 I still can't figure out the right way to do this. JFC! What exactly are we doing here, and why?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
the essence of failure
My friend was ADQ'd (academically disqualified) after our grades came out from the end of the first year. She appealed, and just today found out that her appeal was denied. I am trying to empathize, but I don't know why she lets me. If I were her, I would find it difficult to share my pain with someone who gets to continue in school, while my dream is ended so painfully, so publicly.
Yet she has the ability to share her anguish in such a way that I feel privileged to be included. She has walked a very difficult path this past year, and has paid a high price. But she kept going when most would not have, and I respect that. And I really think that she has the ability to succeed in law school, absent the issues that plagued her this past year. I can only hope that what appears to be a slamming door will instead be a redirection to something very good for her. Right now it only appears to be a dangerous dead end, and I'm worried about her.
Yet she has the ability to share her anguish in such a way that I feel privileged to be included. She has walked a very difficult path this past year, and has paid a high price. But she kept going when most would not have, and I respect that. And I really think that she has the ability to succeed in law school, absent the issues that plagued her this past year. I can only hope that what appears to be a slamming door will instead be a redirection to something very good for her. Right now it only appears to be a dangerous dead end, and I'm worried about her.
they will always be your parents
Wow, it's been a while. Life is coming fast and furious these days, and I don't seem to have time to stop and reconnoiter. Or perhaps it's just that I am afraid of missing something.
We are well into the summer session now, with Moot Court brief deadlines staring me in the face, my parents here visiting, me sneaking away for a little fun and then doing homework while they watch. Ah, yes, how old am I? You'd think I was 21, but that was 30 years ago. And still the parents have the most amazing effect on my sense of freedom. I think that is my problem, not theirs, but it's real.
I did not handle it well this evening, which only adds to my angst. Oh well, I am humbled by my own humanity. Probably good for me in the long run.
We are well into the summer session now, with Moot Court brief deadlines staring me in the face, my parents here visiting, me sneaking away for a little fun and then doing homework while they watch. Ah, yes, how old am I? You'd think I was 21, but that was 30 years ago. And still the parents have the most amazing effect on my sense of freedom. I think that is my problem, not theirs, but it's real.
I did not handle it well this evening, which only adds to my angst. Oh well, I am humbled by my own humanity. Probably good for me in the long run.
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