the path taken

Nearly the end of the first year. On to 2L status, or so I hope! The exams are yet to come, and so I must wait to be sure of my status. But I can dare to hope, based on my midterm grades.

Still trying to decide how to spend my break between the spring and summer terms. Travel? or get things done in preparation for the summer term? I feel myself being pulled inexorably toward travel, like a car sliding slowly into the ditch on a snowy, icy road. Alas, I fear I cannot resist.

Oddly, a touch of sadness at the ending of this term as well. We 20 became we 15 or so along the way, but we also developed a real sense of camaraderie, I would suppose in part as a result of the intensity of the experience, the amount of time we spend together each week and the particular makeup of our class/group. I know this summer that will be partially diluted, as we move into other classes and other configurations. We will reconvene in the fall, whoever has not left, and then will need to assimilate the other 2L's from this spring/summer sessions. While no doubt that will bear its own lovely fruit, I will be sad to see this freshman year end. Our relative naivete and belief in the power of law to do justice, our excitement at the study of it, all of this will never be quite what it was this year. I have made some friends that I expect will carry on for years-something that is not easily done in midlife. I treasure this gift, and I am able to recognize at this point in my life just how valuable that is.

I also can now see other benefits of embarking on a challenging path at this point in life. While it seems a bit crazy to decide to spend 4 years in law school in my early 50's rather than enjoying my nights and weekends doing things I like to do, I can already see tremendous benefit on a personal level that I still find hard to put to words.

I am energized by this study of law, I look forward to classes, I enjoy the online Symposium discussions, the pre and post class questions and answers we give each other, the history and dignity of what the law can be (yes, I recognize there is an uglier side as well, but that comes with all things human).

I thought that it would be tough to get my brain working the way it would need to for school, but it apparently had not really atrophied, it was just out of shape. And the sense of community that our class has feeds me on an almost spiritual level-I like to feel a part of a community, and I often struggle with that due to my independence and visceral objection to being status quo. My classmates seem to accept each other as we are, and that is heartwarming to say the least. Human nature being what it is, I know there is more going on underneath, but I don't have a problem with that-it's going on inside all of us.

Every time I think my life is in a rut, with options diminishing, some new door opens. It almost always comes with some sort of pain or loss, but the gain on the other side has nearly always been worth it. This new path is far well worth it. I'll check back with you in 3 years and again in 10 so we can see what the perspective of time will give!