It turns out that the first year of law school is so very hard because they make it so. Presumably because the goal is to try the Il's by fire. The whole final exam experience is absurdly stressful. I like taking tests, I like writing, I know the law. And yet I still fell apart in my Contracts exam, the subject I love. Why? Because I cared too much?
The entire year built to a crescendo, and this past week was the culmination in a deafening roar. I think I survived, but not without cost to my confidence and definitely not without damage to my GPA. What a fucking ride. Exhilarating and yet punishing.
I'm proud to have finished this year and humbled that it was so challenging. There will no doubt be new and different challenges in the 3 years to come, but none will be quite like this immersion in another world. Gradually, as the year went on, I found I had let go of time with others to the extent that weeks would go by and I would suddenly realize I had not talked to my brother, or done anything with anyone that did not involve studying.
Nice to have a break, and I am counting on the summer classes being a little bit less intense. We shall see. I may have made a mistake taking 3 classes, but they are all 2 hour classes, and with 2 on the same night, I have more evenings free. That may be good and it may be bad. I dare to hope it is slightly less painful than this exam cycle.
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