satisfaction

My mother used to say "be careful what you wish for." The truth is that we mostly don't know what will satisfy us, and what we cast our yearning eyes upon is usually not going to give more than momentary satisfaction should we obtain or attain it.

And so I am, as often, discontent. Not with law school, work, friends or family. I think the discontent runs deeper than that, and is part of the essence of my being. I shall not ever be satisfied. Best felt on a Sunday afternoon perhaps, but I sense that missing piece more often than I care to admit. My parents, and many others, would counsel me to turn to a religious solution. But I have no hope of that filling this void either. It must feel authentic, or I cannot espouse it.

I think I want something or someone, and that if I can just have that, I will be content. But discontent soon follows.

Perhaps it is my natural condition, and I must become either comfortable with it, or at least accept it. Hard to fathom how to accept discontent. By definition those two seem irreconcilable. The only consolation is that now I know how fleeting satisfaction is, and I treasure it when it resides in me. But just as the morning brings new hope, new pleasure, just as surely it brings discontent all over again. What was satisfaction yesterday no longer is, or it must at least be gotten again.

As the song says, "I can't get no satisfaction...I try, and I try and I try and I try..."