gravel in my shoes but I'm dancing anyway

Well, here it is.  The other end of what started at about the time this blog began.  I have my last final exam this evening, and then a champagne reception with the Dean as we 4th Years wrap up our law school experience.

I feel like I've accomplished a very big thing, yet it's been done so many times before, by people who faced greater challenges.  Nothing new under the sun, but it's new to me. Delightful and a little dizzying.  While I can't experience the pure joy of a child at this treasure, I can hold it in my hands a while, and feel its heft in my palm.

I look behind me and see that this experience has in fact changed me.  I am emerging more confident, a better student, more open and- sadly, older.  Time slips rapidly away.

I have gained some precious memories, more precious friends.  Last week as I paced the halls before our Bus Orgs exam, I went past the spot where I waited for my first class on a Tuesday night-Criminal Law.  The door was still locked, so a few of us gathered in the hall, unfamiliar with the life of law school, unfamiliar with each other.  I met Abigail and Chris in that hall.  I remember a few weeks into Torts, realizing by something said that there was a fellow gardener in the group, and so I sought out Jean after class.  We made crackers together that first semester break.

There comes the memory of how Chris would indiscriminately leave change at Peter's place as he left the classroom for breaks, how Chris would make faces at me when something was happening in class.  Abigail came to class that winter with a blanket, thick slipper/socks and gloves.  She was my seat mate all year, and my friend ever since.  Saturday morning runs, farmers market, and discussions ranging from law to life and back again.

And did we ever argue over that thermostat!  Groups morphed, shrank and changed, as friendships were strained and new alliances formed.  Remarkably, no lasting damage done.

I learned of the existence of secondary material from Andrew, who freely shared whatever he had, I fought with Peter in study group, laughed in Torts class, we fought our way through Contracts, and nearly cried in Crim Law.  And slowly we inched forward, losing some along the way-losing a lot along the way.  We knew the statistics, of course, but that is so much less personal than seeing someone you know and believe in leave, whether due to grades or some pressing life event.

I have a much better idea of who I am, what I will and won't do, and I am more cynical than I was four years ago.

These past weeks I have shared days on end with four other women, some of whom have young children, jobs, spouses and all the things that life tends to bring.  We studied under the umbrellas in the back yard, wrote elements on the white boards at school, quizzed each other on injunctions while eating dinner at Mary's downtown.  I'm pretty sure there will be some drinking in this group tonight.  What each person has accomplished has been their own, and yet none of us has travelled the path entirely alone.

I am grateful, so very grateful to have had these past four years.  Let me not forget to inquire, to question, to pause a while in the discomfort and wait.