I seem to be able to find the energy to keep doing what I must for the bar, yet I'm overwhelmed by simple things. I spent my day at school yesterday, and I got home around 5:30 to water leaks in the garden. And the water to all of the zones had been turned off because that was the only obvious way to address the small geyser in the vegetables. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I know I have a few hours before it's time to crawl in bed, but I didn't want to have to use it for, well, anything. To turn my focus to other things, though simple or small, is just one thing too much on this camel's back.
I seek a cave in which to hide from all the everyday chores. I don't want to get the oil changed, I don't want to deal with the paperwork involved with my former employer, I'd rather just take the easy route on insurance, the dentist, and yes, the water leak. In truth, I knew I had a leak already but not that it was that bad. I was closing my eyes, turning up the proverbial radio, and hoping it would magically disappear.
What a surprise, it not only did not disappear, but got worse. Turns out my safety net is me, and me is tired, weary, overwhelmed.
In fairness, I confess that once I resigned myself to it, fixing the leaks was not so bad, and in the process I harvested some garlic. The pleasure of brushing against a tomato plant and inhaling that musky scent-I had put that off too. And will for a while longer.
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